Out beyond the ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field, I will meet you there.” -Rumi
Can you think back to a time in your life when you’ve gotten stuck in the rigidity of right or wrong? There was a beautiful TED talk, “On Being Wrong” where Kathryn Schulz asked a question to her audience. “How does it feel -emotionally- to be wrong?” The audience responded with answers like -dreadful, thumbs down, and embarrassing.
She responds with “Yes! Those are all wonderful answers…but to a different question. You are answering the question-“How does it feel when you realize you’re wrong.” The crowd explodes in laughter. She says “in reality what it feels like to be wrong is the same as what it feels like to be right.”
She has made 'wrongology', her life‘s work and study. She said it’s quite easy for us to think back to a time when we were wrong. But for us to reflect on the present moment and to consider what we might be wrong about, it’s a bit more challenging for us to imagine that. Thank goodness, for me personally, I have all the things figured out…phew. No wrongs here!
In “Greenlights”, Matthew McConaughey describes a beautiful lesson he receives in South Africa while visiting a dear friend. He meets a few men out, one was his friend, and the other two were friends of his friend. These two men were arguing over the career choice of a woman at the establishment where they were enjoying a drink. They believed her to be a prostitute and were at odds as to whether or not this was a good career choice for her.
Matthew explains that he sat back, listened for a little while, and then interjected. He told his friend, “I believe you’re right” and provided his reasoning and support. His friend looked at him and said “NO!!” firmly. He said “this is not about being right or wrong. You’re missing it. This is about understanding each other’s perspective.” Matthew quickly apologized and his friend said “don’t be sorry; be different.” The American in me flinched.
Collectively, we have become stuck in the land of right and wrong. Because our egos have become a smidge fragile, we can’t imagine that maybe we are wrong about something at this very moment. Add to that the complexity that what might be 'right' for me may actually be a clear 'wrong' for someone else and we get pretty uncomfortable. I wonder what it would feel like to shift towards playful curiosity instead. An approach of "hmmm, that is so interesting about you, tell me more so I can understand..."
With some of the things that have unfolded for me over the past couple of months, I am beginning to realize that adulting is less about learning and more about unlearning. I am unlearning the limiting beliefs that have been passed down to me through ancestors and society which are rooted in fear and/or ego. Many of these limiting beliefs have prevented me from embracing some of my apparent gifts. Now that I have begun to get curious about these gifts versus judging and minimizing them, a whole new level of unbelievable has come my way. I affectionately refer to these crazy synchronicities as my 'Woo Bombs'.
Question: When was the last time you went head-to-head with someone with sheer determination to prove them wrong? (I mean it very possibly was today for me) Could the situation have unfolded differently if it were approached with playful curiosity?
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